The List

Whatever it is that I am about to write down now, I would have finished it a few hours ago had I not been too lazy to sit in front of my pc and start writing, or had I got hold of my ipad earlier tonight (it’s Jopoy’s – my nephew’s- turn on the ipad because I bring it to work).

Ever since we’ve moved in to this new apartment and finished unpacking the clutter we brought in, I’ve started to feel at home. Now we (the four of us in the house) have enough space from each other that we can run to a little corner in the house where we can do our own thing.

We’re using broadband sticks now for our internet, the signal can get really really weak making it almost impossible to load a youtube video, and my messenger signs out every few seconds. The owner of the apartment does not allow additional wirings in the building so I’m still figuring out how I can transfer my broadband cable here.

I did not realize that deprivation to the internet and my ipad actually makes wonders. The other night, in my corner of the house, I began listening to the radio to my ear’s content, soundtripping like a hippie. I missed R&B Sundays! (The way I do it is I turn the lights off and I let that LED indicator of the radio/speaker lit up the room. I think of nothing. I just listen and appreciate every beat, yes, even the beat of commercials. The last time I did that was back in college dorm days. Ooooh that was one point I felt like I have all the time in the world. Laidback, stress-free and free!)

On the weekend I got to watch the shows that I want, and felt real use for the remote control. It was only then that I fully appreciated this TV that I bought! And tonight, oh, I got to read the magazine I bought a month ago while listening to the radio (ahem, Boysnightout)! That’s a feat!

I feel like regaining time in my hands now. My life is getting usefully quiet. Time to plan and prepare for what’s ahead. Time to work on my self-improvement list!

Facebook is no longer as cool as Facebook

Thanks to other social platforms that emerged, I have found my share of internet space besides Facebook (for long lost relatives and former enemies to find me).

I’ve noticed very little activity now on fb and most could totally survive a day without it. The rest of the other platforms, though not as huge and famous, still serve their own purposes.

I have:

Twitter – for my little life events, rants, darkest secrets, loud murmurs, non-sense
Instagram – for social photo sharing
Wordpress – for this blog

..and I wanted to keep them all apart (to each his own), sticking to the design of each platform. I don’t buy the idea of fusing everything in one place. So I try.

Are there more non-redundant platforms that are worth a try? Tumblr? Posterous? What else is out there?

 

 

Okay so maybe I need a sign

Make that three signs.

I don’t believe in signs (because signs are what you make out of any thing or event). But I just have to believe in something…something that can be seen or felt. Just for a certain period of time before I completely surrender all hope to recover.

It’s not easy reprogramming the mind. The software remains even if the hardware was removed. Well, it’s not even a software anymore. A malware perhaps?

First, whatever it takes, get rid of the malware.

Second, overwrite. This is actually the best, if not the only way, to get rid of the malware.

Third, install a tough antivirus. And always update 😉


“My mind tells me to give up but my heart won’t let me” – Google

My 2011 Year-end Holiday

I don’t even want to call it Christmas break this year because it’s not.

The last time I drafted something for this blog I got too emotional missing my Mom. It was the only time each year that we get to be complete as a family.

Tonight, Sis offered me a free fare just to go home on Christmas and spend a happy holiday (“para masaya,” she said). But aside from being tired from work, from everyday travel, from thinking, I also decided a few weeks ago that this Christmas, I’d spend a lot of time for myself.

I’m not to sure about stats, but from what I know, the average life span of Filipino men is 60 years. That means, if the Mayan calendar is wrong, I would have already lived half of my life. If the Mayans are right, then the whole 2012 is best spent on living life to the fullest because it will be the last new year we’ll ever see. But let’s not worry about that. We can talk about more morbid things later.

What I’m trying to say is that, I have to deal with myself and attempt to regain my focus. To re-align with God’s direction. To fix the rail where I have been derailed. The last time I did this (in deep self-pity, mind you) was in 2007, a year after I quit my job in Manila and decided to come home to the province. I was jobless and frustrated. Hopeless and helpless. I had no money, no savings, no internet. There was no cable. I was a bum. Employers never called. It was about 8 months of awful meaninglessness – I had too much negativity, too much Glen in me.

To kill time, I learned about hacking. Using my phone to access the internet (well, it was WAP so it’s not internet as we know today) for free. I downloaded about P5000 worth of mobile games. I met virtual people online, right in the comfort of our home. I’d stay up late every night. Oh and I think I had a virtual girlfriend back then from Cebu named Angel, whom no one knew about (she was chubby and sickly while I was dark, skinny, Mr. acne-face – I don’t know if that could have ever worked out). Reading old emails though, I counted our email communication lasted for more than a year, yet I never gave her a single phone call.

Yes, I managed. Everything happens in God’s perfect time.

I want to make use of this holiday to get to know myself again, how much I’ve changed. How fast things passed and evolved. And how I can improve more. There are life lessons in everything. Everything will fall into place at the proper time.

Some friends may call me a living contradiction. Some of them may have thought I was different, that I had more faith easily translatable to strength in facing life’s difficulties. I hate to have let them down. And I hate to have proven their perception wrong. But that is ME in the most vulnerable, human form. Oh yes, some of them walked out on me. And some got fed up with my mistakes, and wanted to bail out. What they saw is the stubborn in me. I pray that they’d hold on till the end.

But this. This is something I MUST do.

Laiya, Batangas

 

By Your Lonesome

Lyrics from Tonic

AKO, di naman blogger

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The notebook. Na wala namang nakasulat. Ah meron pala. Yun nga lang, puro to do list na hindi naman nagagawa.

A New Improved Me

The problem with social blogs is that bloggers tend to create a world far from what is real, hoping an interaction with the ‘sociables’ or fans would slightly give them the appreciation they need. But I am not about to address the problem. I will become: a blogger.

THE PROBLEM.

Is actually the need to blurt out expletives, ergk, I mean thoughts that somehow relieves ME of pain, self-pity, anger, etc. This blog, as an avenue to do such, will be a temporary refuge, until such time that I’d wait for friends to discover this, or worse, tell them I have this blog.

A new “improved” me is a positive look of the very near future, because right now, I am not at my best. Not even at my better. So yeah, bear with me through it all.

Hope you have fun reading me 🙂

Anogustomo?